Rev. Douglas J. House, M.Div.
The 1960s was often viewed as a difficult decade for our country as well as for the wider world. Those of us old enough to remember will recall the social struggles of the time. Terms such as generation gap were often used to describe the cultural distances between younger people and their parents. There was so much to divide us as a nation, and yet if we listened to the music of the time, we discovered that there often was a common theme: Love. The Beatles wrote and sang of it, as did other musicians who saw that love was a path toward unity in the present, as well as a path toward hope for the future.
Love has always been something that could unite peoples’ hearts and lives. During this month of February, a day is even set aside to share our love with those who help to color our world. I sense that is why it is so hard for us when we experience the loss of a loved one. That person is no longer physically with us, but does that mean that love has to end? If we have recently lost a loved one, does our love for that person stop?
Love Never Ends
In the New Testament, we read the word “love” quite often in many different contexts. We are encouraged to “love God” and to “love others as we love ourselves”. The New Testament was originally written in the Greek language, and the Greeks had several words for love. The word for love that is most common in the New Testament is the word agaph (agape). This word carries an understanding of love that is more than sentimentality. It conveys the act of doing things on behalf of others. Hence, we show love when we help those in need; when we feed the poor; when we do things to ease the burdens of others. We can love people we don’t even know while serving their needs.
In the first letter to the Corinthians in the New Testament, the writer reminds us there is “faith, hope, and love, and the greatest of these is love.” He adds that “love never ends”. I take this to mean that the bonds of love that we share with those whom we knew in this world do not cease, even though we have been separated by death. The love that joined our hearts continues.
If Love Means Serving Others, How Can I Serve the Ones I Have Lost?
A friend of mine who is a rabbi once shared that in the Hebrew language, one of the most important verbs is the verb “to remember”. Remembering is important in a number of ways. Remembering brings a sense of value to things. It reminds us of the times we shared with others and how our hearts and lives were tied together. Remembering reminds us of the love that we still share. But how can we love someone whom we have lost after they have gone? During World War II my father was as officer in the US Army, fighting in North Africa and in Europe for three and a half years. He and my mother had gotten married just four months before the attack on Pearl Harbor in December of 1941. By March of 1942 he was on a troop ship heading across the North Atlantic toward England. My parents wouldn’t see one another for the duration of the war. Yet every night before my mother went to bed, she wrote a letter to my father and mailed it each morning on her way to work. She wrote to him every night for nearly three and a half years. I’m sure my father loved receiving the letters when they arrived, but I think that my mother’s efforts showed the love that she had for him. Writing to him helped her get through the hard times.
A powerful way of loving those who have passed may be quite similar: Choose a specific day and write a letter to them. Use pen and paper. Handwritten letters carry more meaning than emails or texts. Valentine’s Day, a day set aside for love, might be a good day to choose, or perhaps the anniversary of someone’s passing. In your letter, reflect on the times you shared with the person, and tell them about life in the here and now. Letters carry love between the lines.
“May I buy you a coffee today?”
In closing, writing letters to someone who has passed is not the only way to express your love for them. A number of years ago, I was walking into a coffee shop, and I was stopped by a woman at the door. “May I buy you a coffee today?” she asked. I was taken aback by her approaching me, and I replied, “No, thanks, I’m good.”
She continued, “I would really like to buy you coffee. You see, I lost my son a few years ago on this day. He loved this coffee shop and spent a lot of time here. Every year on the anniversary of his death, I come here to buy coffee for people in his memory. It’s a way that I can show that I still love him and will never forget the impact he had on my life.”
I enjoyed the coffee she bought me, as well as the conversation we shared that morning. From buying coffee for a stranger, to writing letters, I guess that there are limitless ways of giving gifts of love, even on behalf of those who have passed. And just perhaps the Beatles had it right…”Love is all you need”.
