Rev. Douglas J. House, M.Div.
“It’s the most wonderful time of the year…”
Every fall, we hear these words sung on the Staples television ad, as parents prepare for school to begin once again. Of course, the ad comes from that Christmas song, sung by Andy Williams which was recorded decades ago. And the truth is that while getting the kids back to school may be the happiest time for stressed out parents, it’s not always the “happiest time of the year” for many when the holidays roll around. If anything, the holiday season can conjure up memories of times shared with those we love who are no longer with us. And rather than it being the “most wonderful time of the year,” holidays can prove to be some of the hardest times of the year in so many ways. There can evolve a void, an emptiness in our lives, that cannot be filled. We see others who are experiencing the joy and happiness of the season, and we wish that we could feel what they feel. Try as we may, that elusive joy fails to touch our hearts and souls. What can we do to manage the season in the knowledge that things are not the same for us, especially after a loss?
“Ignoring our loss in the face of the holidays isn’t helpful”
Whether we like it or not, the holidays will soon be here and if you have suffered a loss, you know all too well that moving through the days ahead will prove to be a difficult task. Yet, we cannot ignore the holidays as we know others around us will be observing them in many different ways. We, therefore, have to determine what will be helpful for us to get through the next several weeks. Do we attend Christmas parties? Do we do the baking and holiday preparation that we always have done? Do we put up and decorate a tree this year? I think that answers to these and other questions about the holidays depend on each individual. Holiday activities can unleash a host of emotions within us, and this is perfectly normal. Sadly, they remind us that the one with whom these activities were always shared is no longer with us. Still, so often the decorating of a Christmas tree, for instance, can be an activity that brings back wonderful memories with each ornament that is placed. You may decide that some activities might be too hard to observe this year, and yet others are easier to share. Remember that the holidays are opportunities to participate in rituals. Rituals are acts that we do over and over again, such as decorating our homes, or taking time to send out Christmas cards. Rituals bring order to our lives, at times even in the midst of chaos. The loss of a loved one is a chaotic experience. Some may find that the rituals of the holidays can even be helpful after all is said and done.
“Taking a Moment to Pause and Remember”
Whether you consider yourself a “religious” person or not, Beecher and Bennett Funeral Home has hosted an annual activity at this time of year which many people have found exceptionally helpful. Each year a place of worship in the area is chosen for a service to remember those who have died. The worship service, usually on a Saturday afternoon, contains hymns, scripture readings, seasonal music, a homily by the host pastor, and concludes with something very special. Prior to the service, a plain Christmas tree with nothing on its branches is placed in the church. Near the end of the service, those who have lost loved ones are invited to come forward and place an ornament bearing the name of their loved one on the tree.* At the close of the service, the tree that had been bare, now boasts the beauty of many ornaments, identifying the names of loved ones who, although absent from our lives, will never be forgotten.
This year, the service will take place at the North Haven Congregational Church, UCC (28 Church St. North Haven) on Saturday, December 14th at 2:00 in the afternoon. Everyone is welcome to attend, and you are asked to contact the funeral home if you would like to place an ornament in memory of a loved one. The funeral home can be reached at 203-288-0800. While the holidays may not be “the most wonderful time of the year” for all people, they still can be managed in such a way as to be helpful for everyone. In time, they may even re-kindle warm feelings of the past which reflect the love that will forever unite our hearts and lives. Please consider participating this year in the holiday memorial service on December 14th.
*(The ornaments are available from the funeral home, and those desiring to participate need to make arrangements with Beecher and Bennett in advance.)
