December 5, 1960 ~ May 21, 2015
It is an honor to share with you, the remarkable life story of Pamela Ann Milford-Veno, who passed away on May 21st, 2015 at the age of 54 from cancer. Pam's journey was one of connection, kindness, and love as she touched the lives of so many friends, family, and strangers. Pam was born on December 5th, 1960 to her parents Dorothy and Alan (deceased) Milford of Hamden, CT. She grew up in the Spring Glen neighborhood with her brothers Steve, Chris, and Bill. She attended Spring Glen Elementary School, Sleeping Giant Junior High, and Hamden High School. It is during her high school years that she met the love of her life, Thomas Veno, where they first started dating 37 years ago, and have been married for 27 years. Tom recalls that on their first official date, he attempted to impress her with his knowledge of the natural world by chasing after a rabbit he spied during the night. The rabbit turned out to be a skunk that dowsed him in a cologne of Ode du Stink – yet despite his repugnant odor – she kissed him goodnight… and has kissed him goodnight, every night since. As a couple – many have noted the lifelong connection of affection that could be seen from the moment Pam and Tom were together. While his hair may have been more luxurious and longer than hers when they met – it was obvious they were a match made in heaven. Each complimenting the other in providing patience, support, confidence, and understanding. They were married on Halloween on October 30th, 1987 in a celebration rich in masquerade and romance and first settled into an apartment on Whitney Ave. in Hamden. In May 5th, 1996, their daughter Maggie (Marguerite-named after Pam's grandmother) was born and on August 15, 2000, their son AJ was born as they moved to their permanent home on Thompson Street. Tom constantly felt proud of Pam's ability to reach out to others and to know and love him fully. Pam's ever present reminder of her love for Tom was in each cup of coffee that she put by his bedside every morning and in the good night kiss she always provided each night. Pam loved being a homemaker, mother, and wife. Her table was an open table to any friends who might stop by and it was her gift of hospitality that helped to make everyone feel at home, in their home – or wherever she was at the time. Her thoughtfulness is legendary – never missing birthdays, holidays, or significant events by sending a card and a caring message of affection. She was a queen of chocolate chip cookies and used them as a celebratory gift to others or at times, a healing balm of comfort food. She enjoyed making their home one of celebration for neighborhood events such as the annual Easter Egg Hunt and for numerous family and friend get togethers. As a mother, Pam always sought to let her children know how unique and special they were and how proud she was of them. When asked about her conversations with Pam during the last months of her life, Maggie noted that her message was simple: she wanted Maggie to know how much she loved them – now and always. She marveled in their uniqueness and sense of adventure and was proud of their ability to be unique, colorful, individuals in a world that often seeks conformity. As a daughter, she provided the caretaking necessary to support her mother, Dorothy, in maintaining her independence after the passing of her father, Alan, in 2006. That Pam loved her job at Barry's Hallmark is no surprise. She loved the camaraderie with co-workers as they would carefully cull through cards – knowing the inventory in order to better assist customers with choosing the just the right sentiment for their occasion. This often meant connecting with strangers who would share stories of joy or grief – and Pam's caring affect often provided the support needed to help them express it through a card. Her job change to the Executive Assistant to the President at Supreme Copy was her chance to bring her attention to detail and warm personality to Tom's business – and it was all the better for it. Her patient caring demeanor had a flipside of a quick wit that understood both irony and frustration of life – and could laugh at it. While sometimes struggling with her own anxiety – Pam always sought to reach out to those around her with compassion and understanding. Her ability to empathize with others often meant that at a time when you were feeling most vulnerable or upset – a note from Pam might arrive noting that she was thinking of you and wishing you well with her love. Pam struggled throughout her illness with feelings that she was causing others to suffer along with her during those difficult times, when indeed, it was our honor, privilege, and moment of grace for those of us who were fortunate enough to be to assist her. As we grieve her passing and celebrate the life that she shared with us, may we renew our connection and commitment to one another, and especially with her husband Tom, daughter Maggie, and son AJ. Friends may visit with her family on Wednesday May 27 at BEECHER & BENNETT, 2300 Whitney Ave., Hamden from 4-8 PM, and are invited to attend her funeral service on Thursday May 28 at 1 p.m. in the Mount Carmel Congregational Church, 3284 Whitney Ave., Hamden.